


Lost In His Eyes

by sugarshoneys



Series: 30 Day Writing Challenge [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blow Jobs, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bucky Barnes, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 09:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14998100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarshoneys/pseuds/sugarshoneys
Summary: Steve and Bucky have both changed a lot. They've got to get to know each other again somehow, right?





	Lost In His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Day one of the 30 day writing challenge - "Getting lost somewhere"
> 
> Also inspired by [this](https://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?referer=https://www.google.com/)
> 
> If smut isn't your thing, stop reading at "The first kiss was short but sweet, just lips against lips for a moment." and start again at "Later that night, with Bucky asleep in his arms and feeling extremely happy,"

The thing about Steve and Sam is that Sam knew his friend really well for someone who'd only known him for a few months. The second he'd had a chance to really talk to Steve about Bucky, he'd figured out the nature of Steve's feelings towards his old friend. Steve made it quite obvious that he was in love with him, but Sam was concerned. Steve fell in love with that man in the 1930s, before the war and torture and brainwashing, and the man Steve had been working to bring into his life at the time was very different. Now that he'd come home, Steve had realized this too. But that didn't change a thing about how Steve felt, and Steve said Bucky wasn't the only one who'd changed since the ‘30s. But Sam wouldn't be Sam if he wasn't constantly concerned for his idiot friend, so he wanted to make sure Steve knew Bucky perfectly well again before pursuing anything with his feelings. How to help? Make them play dumb getting to know each other games, of course.

When Sam found the article “36 Questions That Lead to Love,” he raised his eyebrows but clicked on it with Steve and Bucky in mind. After doing his research, he decided to send it to Steve.

Sam: hey man you should do this with Bucky (pretend the title says “that lead to being more comfortable around each other” lmao)

Steve: terrible idea I love it

Steve: let me ask him if he wants to lol

Sam: ok update me

Steve: he said we can do it later tonight

Steve: WAIT I JSYT READ EHERYTHINF WHT DO WE HAVE TO STAIR IN EACH OTHERS EYES

Sam: LMAOOOOOO

Steve: blocked

——————

Steve couldn't figure out how to back out of something he'd proposed, and he especially couldn't figure out how to explain why, so later that night he found himself sitting on the floor in front of Bucky's bed with the other man across from him, waiting as he pulled up the article he needed. 

“So, there's sets of questions. 3. And then the final thing we have to do. So do you wanna take turns reading them?” Steve asked, Bucky nodding in response. “Okay. First question; Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” 

“Your mom.” Bucky smiled at Steve while he glared back before letting his face become serious again. “No, but is it dumb if I say you? I don't really have anyone I'd care to meet if I'm being honest.”

Steve ignored his heart picking up and answered, “Not dumb at all, Buck. I'd pick Taylor Swift though.” Bucky smiled and threw a pillow at him, which Steve caught and placed in his lap. “Alright, next question. Would you like to be famous? In what way?” Steve and Bucky took one look at each other before laughing at this and moving on.

“Next one. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?” He set his phone down on the pillow, waiting for an answer.

“Oh yeah, almost every time. I get so anxious about talking on the phone, I don't even know why, but I think if I didn't practice I'd probably panic and hang up.” Steve nodded at this, thinking about his own answer.

“I don't, you know I'm really bad at thinking things through before acting. I think if I rehearsed what to say I'd make myself more freaked out than I would be having nothing prepared. Uh, so what would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you?” He finished with the next question. Bucky chewed at his lip for a second before starting.

“Can you answer this one first? I need to think on it.” Steve nodded.

“Remember that day we went to Coney Island and I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but we didn't have a chance that day, so I was all bummed? But you told me everything else that day was perfect so I should stop complaining. I'd say a day like that, but we actually get to go on the ferris wheel together. That'd be pretty perfect.” Steve said, realizing only once he'd finished that that was extremely telling, but Bucky only nodded and looked thoughtful. 

“Same, actually. That sounds really nice, not having to deal with your whiny ass at the end of the day.” he joked. “No, but really, that sounds like a genuine perfect day.” Steve again has to ignore the way his heart picks up speed at the smile Bucky gives him then, so instead he looks down at his phone for the next question. 

“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?” he asked.

“Uhhh, I was singing that in the shower this morning, but I don't know when I last sang to someone else.” Bucky admitted.

“What did you sing this morning?”

“No.”

“What was it?”

“The Safety Dance song.” Bucky said, sounding sort of ashamed.

“Oh my god.” Steve answered. “I was singing Let It Go from Frozen to Sam on the phone earlier.”

“I hate that movie.” Bucky laughed. “Next question?”

“Yeah.” Steve responded, opening his phone again. He took one look at the question before bursting out laughing, unable to read it aloud. He held his phone out for Bucky to read.

“If you were able to live to the age of 90…” he trailed off, fading into a laugh of his own. “I don't think this test was made for someone who's lived the sort of life we have, Stevie.” 

Steve nodded in agreement before moving on. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?” His smile was completely gone now, replaced by a somber look. “I think we can skip this one too, Buck.” he continued, looking up to see a nod of agreement from Bucky. “Alright then. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“Well, this test sure as hell wasn't made for the either of us. Um, we both fuckin’ hate Hydra, and we both have really bad taste in music.” He finished. 

“I have exceptional taste, fuck you. Okay, we both loved my ma more than anyone, we both enjoy days the most when we just get to laze around the whole time, and we both wouldn't mind an excuse to punch Tony in the gut.” They laughed as Steve finished. “Next question is ‘For what in your life do you feel most grateful?’”

“You.” Bucky answered without hesitation. “Definitely you.”

Steve couldn't stop the dumb smile that reached his face, and he answered “Ditto.”

They looked at each other for a moment before Bucky reached out to take Steve's hand, rubbing his thumb over Steve's palm before looking up again and smiling. Steve let himself stare back for a moment before he realized he was leaning in, snapping himself back to reality.

“Uh, so the next question is ‘If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?'” he spoke through the lump in his throat, before carefully looking up at Bucky again. He looked confused, his brow furrowed and staring at Steve with intent. He shook his head and then answered.

“Maybe the times. I grew up knowing I'd have to marry a dame when all I wanted was a fella.” and Steve felt his eyes widen. Before he could stop himself, he felt a huh? fall out of his mouth. Bucky just shrugged, pulled his hand back and wrapped his arms around his knees. Anyone who didn't know him as well as Steve did would think he was just fine, but Steve could see he was nervous. He put all his thoughts in a box in the back of his mind before answering.

“Fair enough. I think I'd change the times too, I mean, I like dames just fine but I've always known I've liked fellas, too.” he responded carefully. Bucky looked at him for a moment in silence before responding with, “Oh.” Steve laughed in response, said “Yeah.” And then they were both laughing, shaking their heads.

“Alright, the next one is ‘Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible,’ but I think we can skip that one, so. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” 

“Oh man, superspeed. That would be so useful. Sam would hate it.” Bucky answered. 

“I think I'd go for healing powers, no one would ever die on a mission with me. God, would that be great.” Steve sighed. “Alright, so that's the end of the first set. You wanna read off the next one?” Bucky nodded and Steve handed his phone over, suppressing a smile when their fingers brushed against each other. 

“Okay, if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?” Bucky asked.

“If I'm happy. Who I'm happy with, that kinda thing. Also, do I age slow? Am I gonna be young forever? I was kinda the guinea pig with this serum, I don't know how it's gonna affect that stuff.” Steve laughed. “Yeah, just like, am I happy and how do I age.” Bucky nodded.

“Yeah, same, I think. Although I know I age at least a bit because while I don't know exactly how much time I spent out of cryo with Hydra, I do have a few more lines than before I first went there.” He paused for a moment, making a face at the thought of his time in Hydra’s cryo chamber. “Anyways, next question. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?” 

Steve paused, thinking of how to phrase his answer. The only one he could think of was being with Bucky, and he didn't want to lie, so he decided to be as vague as possible. “Yes, there is. I haven't done it because I'm scared of the reaction I could get in response to it.”

“Same.” Bucky nodded. “What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?”

“Captain America stuff. You?” Steve asked. Bucky only shrugged. “Oh, come on. You’ve accomplished plenty. All the missions we've done together, and even before the war. You had everyone falling at your feet to get just one dance with you.”

Bucky shook his head and smiled sadly. “Yeah, but it didn't seem to matter. The one person I wanted to dance with didn't seem to want to dance with me, and even if he did, it's not like we could in public without getting beaten half to death.” 

Steve nodded, looked down at his feet. So he had someone he loved like that, then he thought. He sighed, looking up. “Yeah, same honestly.” 

Bucky nodded, then asked the next question. “What do you value most in a friendship?” 

“If they make me laugh. You're real lucky I got a dumb sense of humor, Buck.” Steve smiled.

“For me it's if they're there for me when I need them and if they let me be there for them, too.” Bucky replied. “Think I got that from you, honestly.” He smiled then before turning his body to lean against the end of his mattress next to Steve, placing his arm around Steve's shoulder. “What is your most treasured memory?”

Steve leaned in, turned his head and looked up at Bucky, smiling. “When we met. I always come across dumb in this story, but it makes me so happy.” 

Bucky looked down at him. “Same. Can you tell it? I remember it but I like hearing it.” He felt Steve nod, so he placed the phone in his lap to listen.

“I was 6 and I saw some kid throwing rocks at a stray cat so I threw a rock at him just to see how he'd like it, and then he started punching me and you were walking by so you fought him off for me and walked me home and decided from that day on you'd be my best friend and always save me if I got hurt, and I got so mad because I thought I didn't need saving, but I kept you around anyways. And my ma loved you for marching my ass home, too. She was so happy that not only had I finally found a friend, but it was someone who wouldn't let me get into dumb fights. As if you could stop me.” he finishes with a scoff, even though he was smiling. He looked up at Bucky again. “That your favorite, too?”

Bucky nodded, smiling back at him. He picked the phone up and sighed at the question. “I'm gonna skip this one because you know why, but if you wanna answer it, you can. What is your most terrible memory?”

“Train.” Steve replied easily, although Bucky could feel him tense as he said it. “Moving on?”

“Yeah. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?”

“I’d stop being such a chicken shit when it comes to certain things and let myself be happy in any way I can.”

“You? A chicken shit? That's the last comparison I ever thought I'd hear. But I'd say the same, actually. And maybe throw some atonement in there.” He looked down as he finished, smiling when he saw Steve's freckles. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Being there for each other, making each other happy.” Bucky nodded.

“Agreed. What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“While I'd certainly enjoy them, if the other person doesn't want me in that way I'm perfectly happy to remain their friend. And you?” Steve looked up again.

“Me too. I really would enjoy them, though. Next one is this: ‘Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.’”

“Okay, well you sure ain't hard on the eyes for one thing. You know just how to cheer me up when I need it, and you know when it's better to leave me be. You're great to draw, and you're really good at baking. And you look good with both long and short hair.”

“I wish I recorded that so I could play it whenever you talk about my 'ugly mug.’ But anyways, my turn. First off, you're beautiful. Have been since before the serum beefed you up, still are today. You have the nicest voice I've ever heard, you're always willing to do what's right even if it means getting hurt, you're the most trustworthy person I've ever met, and you're incredibly brave.” He finished off his list with a smile, loving that he made Steve blush. “The next two are about family, should we skip them?”

“Nah. What are they?” He replied.

“‘How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?’ and ‘How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?’”

“I'd say me and my ma were real close, and you were real close with your sisters. You got on better with my ma than your own, though.”

“Yeah. That's the end of this set, here you go.” Bucky said, handing Steve his phone again.

“Alright. ‘Make three true ‘we’ statements each. For instance, ‘We are both in this room feeling…’” Steve read off. 

“We are both queer, apparently.” Bucky laughed. “We're both pretty artistic, you with the drawing and me with the reading and writing. And we're both really good at punching people in the face.”

Steve laughed as he nodded in response. “We're both old as hell. We're both big enough idiots that we make Sam worry like hell, and we're both really lazy whenever we get a chance to be, even though the serum gave us enough energy to rarely sit around. Next thing- Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share…’” he trailed off and looked up at Bucky.

“I wish I had someone with whom I could share everything with no restraint.” Bucky said carefully.

“And I'm not that?” Steve didn't sound offended so much as concerned. 

“Well, it's not like I can go to you if I have a boner and don't want to deal with it myself or something. You're as close as I got, though.” Bucky smiled at him. Steve laughed before responding.

“Sure you could. But same, actually. I don't know how else I'd answer that question, really.” Steve said, honestly. He was about to move on to the next question before Bucky stopped him.

“Did you just say I could go to you if I had a boner and I don't want to deal with it myself?” Bucky asked, brows furrowed. Steve promptly froze, realizing he had, in fact, said that. 

“Uh,” Steve replied as intelligently as he could. Bucky just shook his head and smiled. He opted to ignore what had just happened, moving on. “Anyways, next question! Oh wait, this is about becoming friends. We're already there, let's skip that. It says, ‘Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.’”

Bucky pulled his arm out from around Steve's shoulder, turning to look at him again. “Honestly? Everything.” He watched quietly as Steve's eyes went wide with surprise before they softened as he started to smile. He smiled back, waiting for Steve's response.

“I was gonna say the same thing.” He replied quietly. They smiled at each other again before Steve continued. “Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.”

“One time I was on a longer mission for Hydra and I was hungry, so I tried to steal a hot dog from a cart I passed, but I took it straight off where it was cooking and burned my hand, and I said 'shit’ really loud and the vendor caught me so I ran a mile through this city holding a single hot ass fuckin’ hot dog just to be safe no one was tailing me. And then I realized how insignificant one hot dog was gonna be to my hunger, so I scarfed it down and ran back to the shopping center to get more food. Thing was, I never treated the burn, so any time I grabbed something with my flesh hand it hurt like hell and I almost got caught 3 more times.” Bucky finished his story with a laugh. Steve didn't seem to think it was funny, probably because he was thinking about Bucky being hungry and desperate enough that he'd steal a hot dog right off it's cooker, but Bucky still thought it was funny. Steve shook his head before taking his turn. 

“The first time I ever visited Peggy once I woke up from the ice, I proposed to her because I felt bad for making her wait all those years. She started laughing so hard I got worried about her breathing, Buck, she thought it was so funny. One of the nurses came in and asked why she was laughing so hard, so of course Peggy told her, and she laughed just as hard. I think my entire body inverted in on itself in that moment, I was so mortified.” Steve was laughing at himself, shaking his head. “I thought it'd make her happy! I guess it did, though.” Bucky laughed then, too. 

“Anyways, next one is ‘When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?’” Steve said. “Last time I cried in front of another person was when we were at Sam's watching TV and that commercial with the sad dogs and the song that says ‘In the arms of the angels…’ in it came on, and I started crying cause, come on, sad puppies! You cried too, don't deny that. Last time I cried by myself, though… it was a a few days after you came back home to me, and I kept having nightmares about losing you again. Lots of different ways, all were terrible. That night was particularly bad, though, and I woke up and I cried for awhile. Uh… yeah. You?”

Bucky looked sadly at Steve before leaning towards him and silently pulling him into a hug. They stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled back again, but he kept one hand in Steve's, like earlier. “Last time I cried in front of people was the same as yours, I mean, sad puppies really get to me. How could they not? Last time I cried alone was this morning, honestly. Nightmares are bad.” He answered quietly, like he was ashamed. Steve remained silent for a second before pulling Bucky into another hug. Bucky tensed for a second before melting into Steve's arms, and Steve laid back, letting Bucky rest his head on his chest. They stayed silent for a few more moments before Steve picked the phone back up, resting it in his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

“Tell your partner something that you like about them already.” Steve read.

“Again?” Bucky laughed. “Alright, I like the way it feels to have you holding me.” He said honestly. Steve felt heat rising to his cheeks and smiled

“I like how it feels to be holding you.” He lifted his free hand up to Bucky's hair, carding his fingers through it gently. Bucky sighed, relaxing fully against Steve. “Next question is ‘What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?’”

“I dunno. Just make sure the things you joke about don't hurt anyone, I don't think that's hard.” Bucky replies.

“Agreed. Next is ‘If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?’” Steve sighs. “I'll go first. I would regret not telling this one person how I feel about them. Cause honestly? I love them. They deserve to know, but I can't bring myself to admit it to them. I think I make it real obvious, though.” Steve rushes through his words a bit, but Bucky catches every one. He feels hope with his whole heart, hearing this. 

“Took the words right out my mouth.” Bucky answers. Then he pushes himself up, looking Steve in the eye. Steve turns off his phone screen distractedly, tosses the device in the bed’s general direction. 

“Wanna skip the last couple questions and skip to the eye thing?” Bucky asked. Steve nods slowly, feeling his heart race, and locks eyes with the man on top of him. Steve looks at those blue eyes above him, and he thinks he sees everything he's feeling reflected in them. He lets his eyes flick down to Bucky's lips really quickly before staring at his eyes once again. Bucky really did have the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. He could feel himself getting lost in them, oceans of blue and affection and a slight twinge of nerves. He knew he was letting those exact same things show in his own, and he suddenly felt vulnerable in the best way. He hoped he was reading this situation right, because he was just waiting for Bucky to kiss him. They stayed staring in silence for a few more moments before he watched Bucky's eyes flick down to his lips, like Steve had done before. Steve chose right then to lick his lips, watched Bucky's eyes follow the movement. Watched as Bucky slowly locked eyes with him again for a few seconds before closing his eyes and starting to lean in. 

The first kiss was short but sweet, just lips against lips for a moment. Bucky started to pull up again, but Steve brought his arms up to behind Bucky's neck, pulling him back down for a second kiss. This one was more heated, intense, and they put everything they had into it. And then there were many more kisses, and Steve wrapped a leg around Bucky before flipping them over so he was on top. He began pressing kisses to Bucky's neck before moving into leaving little bites and sucking at the skin, listening to his moans and loving every second of it. He could feel their erections pressing against each other in their jeans, and he was starting to kiss further down Bucky's neck towards his chest when Bucky said, “Bed.” 

Steve looked up at him, eyes half lidded, before sitting up on Bucky's lap and lifting off his own shirt. He moved next to Bucky and picked him up, standing up and placing him on end of the bed. Bucky sat up to lift his own shirt off and then put his hands behind Steve's neck, pulling him into a kiss, and then wrapping his legs around his waist and pulling him all the way down. Steve kissed him like that for a few moments before going back to work at kissing down his body. He went from his neck down to his chest, pausing to lick at Bucky's nipples, before continuing down, leaving wet kiss marks in his path. When he got to the bottom he looked up at Bucky's face again, batting his eyelashes. 

“Can I?” He asked, eyes flicking to Bucky's pants. Bucky nodded and started to work at his button, but Steve shook his head and pushed his hands away. “Let me take care of you. If I do anything you don't want, just say no as loud as you can and I'll stop right away, okay?” 

“Okay. Not sure you could do anything I didn't want right now, though.” Bucky said breathily. Steve rolled his eyes and got back to work, unbuttoning and pulling down Bucky's jeans quickly before palming at his dick through his boxers. He savored the way Bucky gasped, continuing to rub at him for a few more moments before pulling his hand back. Bucky let out a little whimper then, but Steve just pulled down his boxers and put his hand on Bucky's dick directly. He took a moment to think about how crazy that was, that earlier that day he thought he had some hopeless unrequited feelings but now he was literally holding the subject of those feelings’ dick. He shook his head at himself and started jerking Bucky off. Bucky let out a low moan, putting his hands in Steve's hair and pulling his head lightly towards his cock, silently asking for what he wanted. Steve made a mental note of how having his hair pulled made his dick twitch in his pants, before opening his mouth to lick at the tip of Bucky's dick. Bucky's moan was a bit louder then, and Steve smirked to himself before opening his mouth and taking Bucky in as suddenly and deep as he could manage. Bucky's moans were now wrecked, loud cries. Steve bobbed his head a couple times before starting to lift off to tease Bucky, but Bucky held his head down and pushed his hips off. He felt Bucky immediately let go of his head and lay back against the mattress again. 

“Fuck, I'm sorry-” he began, but Steve just lifted up to smile at him for a moment before replying. 

“Use me how you want.” He said, putting his head back down and pulling Bucky's hands back to his head. He took him in again, and as Bucky started slowly rising his hips, Steve pushed his mouth down again and wrapped his hand around the area at the base he couldn't quite reach. He bobbed his head a couple more times before Bucky started to thrust on his own again, so he just forced himself to relax and take as much in as he could. Bucky's thrusts slowly started to lose the restraint they'd started with, slamming up towards Steve's mouth quickly and hard. He only lasted a minute more before he was gasping out, “Steve, I'm gonna-” and then his body was tensing and Steve was swallowing everything he could, and then he felt Bucky relax under him and he pulled off before leaning up to kiss him again. Bucky returned the kiss sloppily before pulling back. “Your turn.” he whispered, before promptly flipping them over again and starting the kiss again.

——————

Later that night, with Bucky asleep in his arms and feeling extremely happy, he reached for his phone from where he'd tossed it earlier.

Steve: thank you so much

Steve: so fucking much

Sam: for what

Steve: :)

Sam: you know what maybe it's better I don't know

Sam: goodnight grandpa

Steve: fuck you >:(

Sam: no fuck bucky

Steve: but I just did

Sam: EW. GOODNIGHT.

Steve smiled at his phone before turning it off and placing his full attention back to the man in his arms. He pressed a kiss to his temple, nuzzled in closer, and let sleep take him.

The next morning Steve tweeted about how much he appreciated the New York Times, and Sam and Bucky laughed so hard they cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Any comments or kudos are appreciated.
> 
> P.S. this is unedited so if you notice any mistakes please let me know


End file.
